A FIRST :)

I had never known that a completely unexpected compliment from a completely unexpected person would make me feel so good about myself... I mean, loads of people have given me loads of compliments (I'm sooo modest, na)... but this one probably tops them all... Yay me!!

This one stays with me for a long, long time... maybe for life :)

HERE WITHOUT YOU

She sat quietly in her place while people filed into the room. Most of them were acquaintances, some of them she could put in the category of 'friends' and one of them was among her best buddies. They greeted her cheerfully, called out to her, some even came up to her place to shake hands. She greeted everyone with a slight nod of the head and a smile, a smile which didn't quite reach her eyes. Some of her friends and her best friend crowded around her, making small talk, chattering endlessly. She nodded every now and then to make it seem as if she was listening to them. Meanwhile, her eyes wandered as she searched for an exit route from this melee. As the instructor entered, everyone took their seats, and the class started. Her performance was by far the best, but today, she was strangely detached from her surroundings and work. She felt nothing when the instructor looked at her incredulously, she felt nothing when he praised her and still nothing when he clapped. All she knew was that she had to get out of that class since she was feeling unusually claustrophobic.

She wanted to leave, even though she knew that when she finally stepped out of here, there wouldn't be any respite. There wasn't anywhere special to go, it was just going to be walking out of this claustrophobic room to some other place where she'd feel trapped again. The person who her eyes sought was far away from here, and without that one person, her complete being seemed incomplete…

"I'm here without you, baby", her entire existence called out, "And now, every action of mine will bring me closer… closer to you… "

THE STEPPING STONE

It had been a mistake, I'd always been certain of that... Fate would've favoured me more had I chosen 'The Road Less Travelled', as they put it... But I was sure that like the rest of the mistakes that I've made till today, this one was also not too huge, I wouldn't have to pay too dearly for it and that I'd be able to gloss over it... A little late, maybe, but I'd be able to do it for sure...

But today, a piece of news in the morning (and this was not about my internship :p) made me realise how this mistake was not a mistake... When God had planned it, he had meant it to be a stepping stone, a way for me to realising what I'd always truly wanted... something that I'd not known when I'd made the decision and my 'mistake', but something that I definitely now know to be true... through repeated introspective questioning, answering, loads of real-time situations and their results which I now treat as hard-core, tangible evidence.

It's a stepping stone... And now, it's going to be used as one.

My biggest weakness is that I forgive people too easily... Way too easily...

IN LOVE...

Off late, I'm in love with:

• Dates that taste like chocolates…
• Chocolates that taste nothing like, well, Indian chocolates…
• The hazy mirror in winters that I need to wipe with my bare hands to look at myself…
• 'Weekends'…
• 'Weekends' that stretch into weekdays as well… :)
• Slow, close dances…
• The two pigeons who've converted my window-sill into their permanent shack(They come in the evening, leave early morning and stay huddled together all night for warmth :) )

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010 !!

The year 2009 has been an extremely good year for me(personally, that is…), especially towards the end… Things which I wanted since a really, really, reallyyyy long time became a reality… Here's hoping that 2010 too brings a lot of happiness, joy, peace and contentment not just for me and the ones I care about, but for the world at large, who contrary to popular perception, does deserve it…

P.S. Come to think of it, when I look back at the year gone by, there have been disappointments galore and a lot of things which I wanted badly didn’t come through. But my continued bout of optimism makes me want to believe that God is taking care of the bigger picture… So, cheers :)

One Day??

Cameron Diaz in "What Happens in Vegas" before she quits her job:
"I'd rather do nothing and be happy than do something and not be happy..."

I sincerely hope that one day I reach a stage in life where I can make such a statement and get away with it... :)

TEA.... Yuck !!!!

I had tea today....Ugh!!! Totally against my principles !!! For the first time ever(since i can recall).... and that too 'sarkari chai'.... The worst kind possible!!!

What all one has to endure for an industrial training :p :sigh:

OCD

A Medical Condition: Obsession with multi-tasking and the overpowering desire to squeeze the juice out of every second. Subject gets extremely hyper, fidgety and uncomfortable if someone/something knowingly/unknowingly prevents him/her from doing this.

Does anyone out here know what exactly in medical terms this condition is called?? Help me out here please....

Lyrics...

I soooo love these lyrics from various songs.... dunno why...

1) All alone I have cried silent tears full of pride
In a world made of steel, made of stone...

2) Lekin main mashooka kiski,
Jaane jaan mehbooba kiski...
Yeh to hai mujhko hi khabar... :p :p :D

I bet on you... You're going to be my winning bet... FOR SURE.

:)

Lesson (re)learnt in June 09:

Bringing a smile to someone's face when he's close to tears can bring tears (of joy) to your own eyes...

Moral of the story on Nov 21, 2009:

Being there for someone when he's down and out can really reaffirm his faith in all that is beautiful in the world...

P.S. I had my microprocessor project submission today. After an unexplained run of good luck all through last semester, during which all my projects worked perfectly, this semester, my one and only project refused to even light up its LEDs(even after I'd spent the last two nights soldering the stupid thing meticulously, getting very little sleep in the process)... Spent the whole afternoon cursing the damned project while some friends worked selflessly at it.... even when they didn't have to... when they could've easily walked away....

I couldn't submit my project in the end... Coz when we finished with it, the teacher was gone... and he's on leave tomorrow (yes, this sunday is working in our college :p)which means i'll have to coax him into accepting it on monday... Frankly, i might have been perturbed about my non-working project before noon today, but now i don't even care what my prof will have to say on monday... I've got better things to be happy about... My reaffirmed faith... There are still a lot of things that are right with this world... :) :)

Beautiful...

Excerpt.

Still trapped in the tangled web of her destiny… Still trying to balance emotions; assuage hurt egos and frayed tempers. Still trying to resolve situations that were not of her creation. Still trying to balance all sides of all metaphorical relationship equations. Still trying to keep everyone else happy and still trying to find her own happiness in the happiness of those she loved. Continually feeling more and more helpless, knowing there was going to be no respite, save one… The final *********

Author's Note: These few lines are actually part of a long story that I've written. But after penning down the first draft, I realized that the story was soooo close to my heart that I couldn’t bear even the thought of anyone debating or even discussing anything in the story. So, while the story stays with me for now, I let these few lines find their way onto my blog :) BTW, anyone who attempts to judge the content or central idea of the story through these lines is fooling himself :p The story is NOT related to women at all. It's a true masterpiece, a work of art, something even I'm proud of(which is hard, considering I'm not easily impressed ;) :D )...

Yay :)

Got a call yesterday from a very close and dear friend who's only geographically far away… :)

She's one of the few true friends that I have and even though we don't get time to hang out together or even talk for weeks at a stretch(it's mostly my fault, my commitments are endless :p), I know that if I need some advice, a true opinion on something, a long girly gossip session ;), or just simple chit-chat about nothing in particular, she'll be just a phone call away. And I never have to think about what to say to her, I can simply talk about the next thing that comes to my mind.

There are very few people in the world who truly understand me(even though almost all people reading this post will think they fit the bill :p :D ). The friend I'm talking about is one of those few. And it's always nice to know and be reminded of the fact that she cares. And if you're reading this, thanks for everything :) :) :)

A Brand New Start :)

"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending."

And as I make a fresh new start, I vow that I will give it ALL I have and make it a success...

DESPAIRINGLY IN DISBELIEF...

It was his decision to come close
His decision to go away...
His decision to make me his world
And his decision to push me to its periphery...

Only decision I ever made was...
That while it isn't going to be possible for me to let go of this relation
I'm not going to be a part of any new relation ever again...

Coz it's the same with everyone here...
The more you invest into them,
The more they're going to use it against you some day...
And even if they don't today...
They sure as hell will tomorrow.

Now I'm going to act like I 'forgive & forget'
Even though it's never going to be possible to forget what you said
I'll wait for you... till eternity...
Coz I invested in the relationship
I'm not sure whether you ever did
Whether you truly loved me
Or whether it was all one big lie...
But still, I'll wait for you... till eternity...

Coz to be loved by someone who you love
Is something only few are fortunate enough to have...
And I have long reconciled myself to the fact
That in this life,
That fortune is something that I'm never going to have.

An oversimplification, perhaps... :p

" I think everything you do should make you happy, it's really that simple, otherwise why are you doing it? "

-Anoushka Shankar

EASY WAY OUT...

Day after day
Time pass away
And I just can't get you off my mind
Nobody knows... I hide it inside
I keep on searching but I can't find
The courage to show...
To letting you know...
I've never felt so much love before
And once again I'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out...

But if I let you go
I will never know
What my life would be
Holding you close to me
Will I ever see
You smiling back at me
How will I know?
If I let you go...

Night after night
I hear myself sayin'
Why can't this feeling just fade away?
There's no one like you...
You speak to my heart...
I'm too shy to ask...
I'm too proud to lose
But sooner or later I gotta choose
And once again I'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out...
-West Life

HIS Blessed One

Knowledge of 'psychology' is the single most biggest and most important knowledge in the world... Sometimes I wish I'd gone by my instinct and taken that up as one of my subjects while I still had the chance... Maybe I would've learnt a lot of things sooner and in a lesser painful way than I have now by hit-and-trial... Maybe that would've even taught me to look at things in a more impersonal way, to not be much affected by them, rather to take care of them in a more scientific manner... But maybe, that would've taken all the sensitivity out of me... coz maybe then, I would've looked at people merely as subjects -- to be studied -- and not as humans - to be understood and appreciated.

Whatever happens, happens for the best... I have always been a firm believer of this... More than anything else, the fact that nothing can happen to me without HIS knowledge keeps me going... HE will take care of me and all those who I care about... I know this... coz I'm His Blessed One...